elirwen
01 October 2016 @ 08:24 pm
So I made my first T-shirt design. It's pretty simple but the idea was bugging me for weeks so it needed to be done.

It looks like this


and can be bought here: https://teespring.com/new-introvert-inside-t-shirt

I'm pretty sure I won't reach even those three buyers to get the campaign running, but I thought I'd give it a try.

There's also a tumblr post if you want to help me by reblogging (but I won't be mad if no one reblogs. The design isn't all that special.)
 
 
elirwen
21 August 2016 @ 09:29 am

Found these two in French giftshops (yup, I'm camping in Pierrefonds again). Seemed very familiar. :D


In other news, I'm still heartbroken about missing a chance to join pornalot. But our Merlin location hunt was mostly succesful and I have so many photos. :)

 
 
elirwen
12 June 2016 @ 06:19 am
 
yesterday at night a guy yelled "you're so fat" at me from a window of a taxi that sped past me.

At first I thought, 'yes, thank you, captain obvious', but then I realized that he didn't actually mean it like that. In our culture, saying "you're fat" is no longer just a descriptor of having extra fat. What people say by that is "you're disgusting, undesireable, unworthy of anyone's attention." That's why when you say "I'm fat" your friends will often say "oh no, you're not. You look awesome."

But what saddens me the most is that people feel it's totally fine to yell "you're ugly as fuck" at other people in the streets...

Edit: at least people don't shoot at me for being fat...
 
 
elirwen
28 May 2016 @ 11:39 pm
Over a year ago, I started experimenting with wearing shorter skirts. (I used to wear only the really long ones before.) Last summer was the first time I wore a short skirt without leggings under it (but I still wore shorts under it and the skirts were about knee length. This year I started wearing even shorter skirts. They end a bit above my knees. And I'm not wearing shorts under them (except for that one that is made out of a really light fabric and lifts up with every gust of wind).

It's kind of a big breakthrough for me because up until last year I let my weight stop me from wearing anything revealing. I spent summers wrapped up in fabric because I couldn't possibly show my hideous thighs to the public. I kinda wish I could get over the need to keep my belly (can I even call it a belly when it's so huge? the word sounds so tiny and cute...) covered, but I doubt that will ever happen.

But I definitely wish the "nobody gives a shit about what you wear" was true. Because sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a clown costume and not just a T-shirt and a short skirt. The stares, sometimes disapproving. The sniggers. I heard someone say "look at that fatty" when I was leaving a supermarket today.

The way people react to fat nudity is pretty much killing me. How am I supposed to believe I'm not disgusting when that's what I hear all the time. I wonder if people think my skin is disgusting to touch, slimy maybe... Maybe they also think that we're less sensitive, that the fat blocks pain/pleasure receptors in our skin somehow.

It pains me that just because of being fat I'll always be considered less of a human.
 
 
elirwen
15 March 2016 @ 07:06 pm
...  
Sometimes I feel like I'm the weird one when I want everyone to be treated the same...

I'm kinda tired of listening/reading that "I don't think gay characters dying all the time is any different than hetero characters dying. There's less of them but why should it matter?" or "feminism is stupid. Show me a woman that can unload a truck."
 
 
elirwen
06 November 2015 @ 10:19 pm
ugh  
I'm writing a fic at home and there's some Sandler romantic comedy playing in the background that my Dad is watching. There's so many jokes about fat people. It's disgusting. I hate that mainstream movies are full of that shit.
 
 
elirwen
01 November 2015 @ 07:34 pm
Finished another part of my semestral project and rewarded myself by trying charcoal drawing for the first time. It's definitely much more comfortable than pencil drawing.

 
 
elirwen
24 September 2015 @ 01:30 am
I’m offering my skills as a fanfic writer for commission because the tuition fees made my already tight financial situation even tighter.

If you’re interested in getting a Merthur or Sterek fic based on your prompt, let me know. I was thinking $1 for each 100 words.

I’m also offering to create a mini!Merthur photo story (something like these) if someone is interested. $1 for each photo.

You can also donate through my indiegogo fundraiser.

If you have tumblr, help me spread the word and reblog this post.

No matter how you help, I will be forever grateful. :)
 
 
elirwen
24 July 2015 @ 06:35 pm
Visited Pierrefonds for the second time in my life. It's still beautiful and there's still so much to explore. We're already planning to go back in a few years. :)

There will be photos (even some in Merlin cosplay) when I'm done will all the photoshopping. :)
 
 
elirwen
15 July 2015 @ 09:35 pm
I still don't know whether I should join this year's pornathon. I have the stupid characteristic of being loyal to the point of clinginess and now that team lust has been pushed aside...

I was sort of hoping that they would change the whole thing. Or that there would be new team names at least. It would hurt less. There were words about the teams being put on hiatus, but I can't find it in myself to believe that we will be brought back.

But I'm probably the only person shedding tears over something like that... Maybe they'll be better off without me... They won't have to deal with my breakdowns and shitty writing...
 
 
elirwen
22 June 2015 @ 11:51 am
In past few days, I've been having really intense dreams. Probably because I always woke up in the early morning and then fell asleep again which probably meant lighter sleep and more dream stages. Also, it was easier to somehow control the dream.

I don't remember anything from past days, but I do remember some stuff from today.

I was on a run with some other girl. We were hiding in some kind of hostel. For some reason, we ripped wallpaper from the hall walls. But then I didn't have time to throw it away and stashed it behind the bed in our room. (For some reason it was really important in the dream even though it seems really silly written down.)

The people who were searching for us came to the hostel and searched all the rooms. We stayed put. It seemed like they wouldn't know our faces when they found us. When they reached our room, they dragged the other girl away for interrogation. I was supposed to play a role of a scared girl who knows nothing, but I actually was scared, so it was really easy. They found the wallpaper behind the bed. I was yelled at and they wanted me to go somewhere with them, but I nearly fainted, my knees buckling under me. A few moments later I realized I was bleeding, but I had no idea from where. And then I started waking up.

The weirdest was that even thought my dream me was actually really scared, I didn't want it to end. I guess it must have been because my brain was awake enough to know that it's just a dream and I do like daydreaming. And I love hurt/comfort. I guess I was hoping for some dashing hero to nurse me back to health. :D
 
 
elirwen
11 May 2015 @ 10:19 pm
OMFG! HE SAID 'FIND MERLIN!'

I'M SO FUCKED! I ALREADY HAVE A CROSSOVER GROWING IN MY HEAD.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S A BAD THING OR A GOOD THING.

IMAGINE IF THEY ACTUALLY HIRED COLIN TO PLAY THE PART AND SHOWED US WHAT MERLIN WAS DOING WHILE WAITING FOR ARTHUR TO RETURN. I KNOW IT WON'T HAPPEN BUT IMAGINE!!!

I'M HAVING TOTAL MELTDOWN HERE!
 
 
elirwen
27 February 2015 @ 07:25 pm
He'll live long in the minds of men. :(
 
 
 
elirwen
14 November 2014 @ 03:23 pm
I got my letter of admission this week and other emails concerning my semestr in Sweden started coming after that. It's really happening!

Until now, it was just a pile of paperwork I had to work through, but now it's finally setting in. In two months, I will be alone with a bunch of strangers in a foreign country. It's just... wow... it's pretty terrifying, but also completely awesome!

I applied for a host family so that I could experience Swedish culture in a different way than just through school and everyday stuff. Hopefully, someone will pick me.

I'm a bit worried about my exams this semester as I'll have only a few days of exam period to take them and there probably won't be time for re-takes, but I can always take the whole semester again next year if things go really bad. Hoping it won't come to that. :)

Our bachelor thesis topics have been announced and I'm hoping I'll be able to get my hands on a topic about Digital Photography. At least I'd finally have motivation to get even better at it. I was told I have a talent for composition, so I'd better get the rest of technical stuff right. Plus learned how to use the more complicated functions of gimp or photoshop.

I'm just really excited about school right now!
 
 
elirwen
08 March 2014 @ 02:09 pm
It was nothing special. Just wanted to write it down because it was nice and cute. Also a bit weird, but that's normal when it comes to dreams.

I was Stiles in the dream and I remember I was solving some mystery. And then I realized I was pregnant. With Derek's child (no surprise there). But I was scared to tell him, because I thought he'd think me a freak. So, I was running around doing a lot of stuff to solve something which I don't remember, and then something happened and I was trapped in some room and couldn't get out of there. But then Derek came to my rescue and things turned totally fluffy from there. It was the stage of sleep when I was almost awake, but forced myself to drift a little longer to enjoy the dream cuddling.

And that's it. :D
 
 
elirwen
I have to write it down before it completely disappears. I dreamt about being on some sort of a really huge spaceship or maybe space station. I think we got there by another ship and were only exploring, trying to find out what happened there and where were all the people who were supposed to be there. Behind one door we found a woman. She was really beautiful and talked to us about how others abandoned her and how glad she is we came. But she looked suspicious, so we were keeping our distance. But then she turned into transparent heap of goo and the goo started moving like water to us. When it touched us, it did something, but we didn't know what because there seemed to be nothing wrong at first.

We ran away and shut the door behind us, but it was too late. Hallucinations started affecting the crew. After half of them disappeared, we went back to the entity in the closed room. She explained to us that she needed our DNA to mix it with hers. That's how she would create her own children once she had enough collected. When she had our DNA, she didn't need us anymore, so some sort of toxin led its victims into madness.

And then I woke up. :D
 
 
elirwen
06 November 2013 @ 09:09 pm
Tomorrow, I'll be one of the guests on a popular czech cooking show. The episode is going to be about molecular cuisine which sounds kind of sci-fi, so they decided to do it in style and we're going to be there in our sci-fi/fantasy cosplays.

I'm really looking forward to it. But I'm pretty sure I'll be soooooooooooo embarassed when the episode airs. :D
 
 
elirwen
21 June 2013 @ 01:08 am
IT'S UNI FOR ME!!! :)

And I rocked the entrance exam. Only 42 points were needed to get in and I had 71. :)
 
 
elirwen
15 June 2013 @ 11:15 pm
First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who wished me luck on my last entry.

And now the results. 46 out of 50 for English part of the exam and 25 out of 50 for Math. That's 71 out of 100.

I don't know yet if it'll be enough to pass as they will decide after 20th, but a friend of mine who studied at the school told me that in past years even people with 56 points got in, so I'm feeling much calmer now. :)