28 May 2016 @ 11:39 pm
Over a year ago, I started experimenting with wearing shorter skirts. (I used to wear only the really long ones before.) Last summer was the first time I wore a short skirt without leggings under it (but I still wore shorts under it and the skirts were about knee length. This year I started wearing even shorter skirts. They end a bit above my knees. And I'm not wearing shorts under them (except for that one that is made out of a really light fabric and lifts up with every gust of wind).

It's kind of a big breakthrough for me because up until last year I let my weight stop me from wearing anything revealing. I spent summers wrapped up in fabric because I couldn't possibly show my hideous thighs to the public. I kinda wish I could get over the need to keep my belly (can I even call it a belly when it's so huge? the word sounds so tiny and cute...) covered, but I doubt that will ever happen.

But I definitely wish the "nobody gives a shit about what you wear" was true. Because sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a clown costume and not just a T-shirt and a short skirt. The stares, sometimes disapproving. The sniggers. I heard someone say "look at that fatty" when I was leaving a supermarket today.

The way people react to fat nudity is pretty much killing me. How am I supposed to believe I'm not disgusting when that's what I hear all the time. I wonder if people think my skin is disgusting to touch, slimy maybe... Maybe they also think that we're less sensitive, that the fat blocks pain/pleasure receptors in our skin somehow.

It pains me that just because of being fat I'll always be considered less of a human.
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