28 May 2016 @ 11:39 pm
Over a year ago, I started experimenting with wearing shorter skirts. (I used to wear only the really long ones before.) Last summer was the first time I wore a short skirt without leggings under it (but I still wore shorts under it and the skirts were about knee length. This year I started wearing even shorter skirts. They end a bit above my knees. And I'm not wearing shorts under them (except for that one that is made out of a really light fabric and lifts up with every gust of wind).

It's kind of a big breakthrough for me because up until last year I let my weight stop me from wearing anything revealing. I spent summers wrapped up in fabric because I couldn't possibly show my hideous thighs to the public. I kinda wish I could get over the need to keep my belly (can I even call it a belly when it's so huge? the word sounds so tiny and cute...) covered, but I doubt that will ever happen.

But I definitely wish the "nobody gives a shit about what you wear" was true. Because sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a clown costume and not just a T-shirt and a short skirt. The stares, sometimes disapproving. The sniggers. I heard someone say "look at that fatty" when I was leaving a supermarket today.

The way people react to fat nudity is pretty much killing me. How am I supposed to believe I'm not disgusting when that's what I hear all the time. I wonder if people think my skin is disgusting to touch, slimy maybe... Maybe they also think that we're less sensitive, that the fat blocks pain/pleasure receptors in our skin somehow.

It pains me that just because of being fat I'll always be considered less of a human.
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[identity profile] geekslave.livejournal.com on May 29th, 2016 03:45 am (UTC)
*hugs* Those people talking about you like that suck. People like that are the disgusting ones, not you.

[identity profile] elirwen.livejournal.com on May 29th, 2016 02:39 pm (UTC)
yet it's them who are considered 'normal' and 'right' in our society... I'm just so tired of this shit... :/
[identity profile] owensheart.livejournal.com on May 29th, 2016 11:22 am (UTC)
*hugs* people can be cruel I am sorry you had that said to you.
[identity profile] elirwen.livejournal.com on May 29th, 2016 02:44 pm (UTC)
it wasn't even said TO me. It was pretty much said ABOUT me. Like I was just an object rolling around them so it doesn't matter if I hear them or not. Being a woman sucks because it's considered 'okay' to view us as objects. Being a fat woman sucks even more because then we're the disgusting objects. :/
[identity profile] arthurmerlinfan.livejournal.com on May 29th, 2016 02:24 pm (UTC)

I really hate people who have comments on other people what to wear or not! I saw this and hope you feel supported by it!
[identity profile] elirwen.livejournal.com on May 29th, 2016 02:58 pm (UTC)
The worst is when you hear it from your friends. They're talking about someone who is my size (or even less fat) and talking about what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. All the talk about being too fat for some cosplay... And I'm right there listening to all that shaming and it doesn't matter what I say. I'm fat so my opinion doesn't matter.

I've seen the article too but I'd be more miserable wearing that crop top than wearing a tank top because I'd think about it all the time. I can't turn off the anxiety. Maybe one day. Who knows. But not now. And probably not very soon.